Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Randomize
