he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And then he peed in my hair
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