i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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