When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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