Life is so much better after having sex.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
