Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
