So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
