apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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