He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
