Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
