I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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