3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my sisters under your porch take her home
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
