'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
