I think I won the penis lottery.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
