I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
