Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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