my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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