from now on my penis is your penis
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
jump out the window naked night went bad
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