how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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