How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
