sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
