Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
soo... how was my night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
