let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
