Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
