my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
