she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
