WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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