she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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