the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
