He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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