Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
