youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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