my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
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I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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