FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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