we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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