he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
