Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
