from now on my penis is your penis
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
