We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
