I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
