Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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