just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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