youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
