never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
