Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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