He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
