Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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