also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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