I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
