I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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