Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
