My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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