everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
