I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
