remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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