U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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