he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
