i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
