just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
