I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
