There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
