Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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