I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
