Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
