Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i think my cat just said my name.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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