the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
